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Thursday, February 16, 2006
This Is Not The Email You Want To Get The Day After Valentine's 

It's days like this that I'm reminded that no matter how tough I try to act. I am still a girl who can get her feelings hurt.I should send this email to the people at Wrong Address

I was in love last year. I was in love with Dr. Love Bastard (aka Dr. Sigmund Bastard). I'm currently on a I Don't Love Him Diet since I'm not his The One. And more importantly, I've recently realized that he is not my The One.

And getting the following email from him to some chick by mistake was just what I needed to finally cut those heart strings. Oh, and by the way: I don't believe things happen by mistake. I believe what is meant to be is meant to be. And I was meant to get this. Thanks Bastard, I needed this!

(Warning: This email contains enough cutsie ass names to make ya wanna retch. And it's really long. It was one of those emails where they kept replying to the same email for over a month.): Continue reading: This Is Not The Email You Want To Get The Day After Valentine's

From: Dr. Love Bastard
To: Some Chick
Date: 1/13/06
Morning stranga. How have you been? What's good for the weekend? Do you have to work on monday (MLK day)?

From: Some Chick
To: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/13/06
Yeh, I have to work, good morning to you too. I was planning on coming to see you this weekend. How's school?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: Date: 1/17/06
How are you? I emailed you yesterday and I didn't get a response. I'm not sure if my hotmail is acting up. I called you back also after I got out the shower.

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/17/06
Yeh, I didn't get that. I fell asleep right after I called you. What are you up to, sexy college man? What day does Valentine's fall on?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/18/06
Morning lil mama. Valentine day falls on a tuesday. Why do you ask? You gonna be my valentine this year?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/18/06
Unless you've been playing mind games with a college girl, yes.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/18/06
Not at all. In fact and i'm being absolutely honest, I look at and listen to these chicks like damn, I can't wait to talk to keisa lata and see her again. What are u up to? I called you last night?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/18/06
I was sleep, still waiting on the B complex vitamins to kick in, I'm out like a light after 9pm. What are you doing?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/18/06
just got back from class. How is your day going?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/18/06
My day is going well. Anxious to drop off this calendar I've been working on. Glad to be done with the thing. I'm so hungry my stomach is touching my back.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/19/06
What's good Kiwi. I hit u this monin. How you? I slept good last night.

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/19/06
Doing very well, thank you? How well did you sleep?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/20/06
Afternoon sexual chocolate. What are you up to? Hot plans for the weekend? I'm on my way to the crib anxiously awaiting your response.

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/20/06
Hot plans? lol I don't think so. I've got a meeting tomorrow morning at church that I'm certainly not looking forward to. What about you?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/23/06
Afternoon mama. Whats going on wit ya? On my way to the crib right now. What happened to my phone call yesterday? Yeah Yeah Yeah

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/23/06
Yes Daddy I know. When we're married and shacking up you can walk over to me and spank me with the belt. How was school?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/24/06
I know this was yesterday's but class is cool. No complaints. I'm sorry about last night but shaving took a lil longer than I expected. The idea about shackin up, getting married and spanking you is intriguing. You think we would make a good couple? What are you up to?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/24/06
I think so, it would be alot of fun. Especially the first couple years or so of no child responsibilities and just two people doing whatever they way. I'm not doing anything, just found out I get a free Gold's Gym pass as a company perk.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
To: Some Chick
Morning ms. lady. It's a lil nippy out there. You always talkin bout stalking, got me playing the stalker.

From: Some Chick
To: Dr. Love Bastard
And just how do you think you're stalking me?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/25/06
Although you dont answer I continue to call and leave messages. You haven't even touched me yet and im in the bushes on a niggerette.

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/25/06
It's only stalking if it's not returned. I've never told anyone beforethat I wouldn't mind being married to him. In the bushes on a niggerette? I don't know what that is but it sounds funny.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/25/06
I be waching you from outside your crib. Good, because not only am I honored but I feel the same way. Ready to go?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/26/06
I'm game if you are?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/26/06
My lil mama. What's good in da hood? What you up to? You got me addicted to emails and phone calls now (from you of course).

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/30/06
Everything is good, I keep having to pee cause I'm drinking all this water.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/30/06
Morning u lil blueberry muffin. What it is? Where u been?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/30/06
Good morning Redbone. I was just thinking about you about an hour ago, I had something to tell you, but now I forget what it was. It was funny, I remember that. I'm really craving some pasta right now.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/31/06
Afternoon mama. I hit u this morning and of course NADA. Whats good? How u feeling?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/31/06
You must of called my home phone, the only call I got on my cell was from Gold's Gym. What do you think, yes or no?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/31/06
Perhaps. Don't know and not sure. On my way to the crib. Bout to get some grub and chief. I gotta move. They knocking down my complex. Got until Feb 28th but I believe I'll be out by saturday. U shoulda been my fiance by now. Coulda shacked up.

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/31/06
Out by Saturday? Wow you move quick. Where are you going? You need help moving?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/31/06
At this point i'm undecided. My homegirl who do my hair has a crib wit an extra room so if management continues to talk outrageous prices about other properties i'll be chilling over there. I plan on moving during friday so you will be at work anyway but if it takes longer than expected I dont need help but it would be nice to have you by my side. How are you?

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/31/06
I'm doing good, more worried about you now. So they have extra properties that they own, that they are offering to switch you to?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 1/31/06
Need not worry ma. I got things lined up mentally so erryting should be irie. They have some propertie available. I know they have more but there pitching certain ones.

From: Some Chick
Date: 1/31/06
Where are they located?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 2/2/06
Morning sexy. I was just thinking about how I use to watch you walk. Whats going on?

From: Some Chick
Date: 2/2/06
Tell me about how you used to watch me walk, I didn't know that. What area are you thinking about moving to?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 2/2/06
Morning ma. I haven't heard your voice in two days. What up?

From: Some Chick
Date: 2/2/06
Hey Love. Last time we talked you seemed kinda busy trying to wrap the whole
moving thing around your head. I was gonna wait for you to call, I know you're busy. Any luck?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 2/2/06
First of all i'm never too busy for you. Secondly I believe ill wind up staying wit my homegirl. I think I mentioned that she has an extra room inmher step moms crib. I was actually supposed to be her roomate last year but I changed my mind. How are you?

From: Some Chick
Date: 2/2/06
I'm fine. That sounds like you could actually save money.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 2/2/06
That's actually the plan. I'll be out by march no later than april though. You know when I don't speak to you it fucks wit me.

From: Some Chick
Date: 2/2/06
What ya gonna do after march or april? I called you during lunch yesterday and you didn't pick up:-(

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 2/3/06
Morning kiwi. I'm in the process of packing my shit. How is your day is going? What are your plans for the weekend?

From: Some Chick
Date: 2/3/06
My dad is going good. Had snap beans and tofo for lunch. What are you packing? Yes, I'm being nosy.

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 2/6/06
Morning lil mama. I'm serious when I say it really makes me feel good when I hear your voice. I'm sitting here wondering why I just don't givie a fuck and know that everything will work itself out. Then I said to myself, I spoke to KIWI. How is your gloomy day going?

From: Some Chick
Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006
My day is going pretty good. Nice to hear from you. How's the madness going?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: Thu, 9 Feb 2006
KIWEED, im sooooooo tired. I didnt sleep since monday. Finally got some sleep yesterday. 15 hours worth. How are you doing. As usual i miss your voice.

From: Some Chick
Date: Thu, 9 Feb 2006
Did you get my message? How are things at the new place? What's the plan for
today?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: 2/13/06
Good afternoon kiwi. What have you been up to and how was your weekend?

From: Some Chick
Date: Mon, 13 Feb 2006
Weekend was good, haven't been up to much. I went to bed late last night because of an insane dripping noise I kept hearing. I thought it was in the ceiling or behind the walls, but it's under the sink in my bedroom. Just a constant drip onto the cabinet floor. I couldn't sleep because I was overreacting thinking my apartment's gonna flood or something. I hope they come and fix it today. What are you up to?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2006
What up pumpkin butt? How is your vday going?

From: Some Chick
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2006
Pumpkin butt. That's my favorite one yet. It's uneventful, what about you? How was the test?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Date: Wed, 15 Feb 2006
Good day mama. How you be? Sorry about this morning. Bout to hit up class. What's good? We really need to do something.

From: Some Chick
Date: Wed, 15 Feb 2006
Everthing's good, we should catch a late movie or something, what's out now?

From: Dr. Love Bastard
Sent: Wednesday, February 15
Not alot. Final Destination 3, Firewall and underworld evolution are possibilities and pink panther is a weak option. Late movies are peace. You might have to nudge me a few times cause i get drowsy. When you wanna go?
brrreeeport

The Mad Dater - Later kids

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