The Mad Dater Online Dating Blog: His Old Lady With The Shoe

As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Monday, February 13, 2006
His Old Lady With The Shoe

Nothing says, "Bitch! That's my husband" better than a being hit with a shoe. Though from experience, I can also tell you that

being hit with a shoe can also say: "Shut up, you smart ass kid". Especially if you start a sentence with: "Well if you wanted it done right, you should have done it yourself," and my mom is holding the shoe.

Clearly, the woman who was about to hit me with her shoe meant to say, "Bitch that's my Husband". When she was approaching I remember thinking:

Is she heading towards me or is she heading toward the dude who was just giving me a massage? Is that why he hopped out of the hot tub when she opened the door? Should I be getting out of this hot tub faster? This must be some sorta joke. Yeah, that's it. This woman must be a good friend of his and she's pretending to be mad at me because I'm with her "man". Sorta like how I might play act before introducing myself to a guy friend's girl interest to put a little scare in her before I let her know that I am just a friend. Yeah she's funny. This must be a joke."

That's when he turned to me and said, "Sorry, that's my wife.". Funny, that's not what I thought his last words to me would be when I met him earlier that night on the beach.

"I thought you could use this." Those were That's My Wife Bastard's first words to me that evening when I looked up and saw him holding an umbrella. It was my last day of vacation at Myrtle Beach with Witchy Woman (He's Like a Brother to Me, Dr Love Bastard/Dr. Sigmund Bastard, Ultimate Frisbee Bastard & Bastard in Love w/a Bitch had already left) and I had decided to have one last sit on the beach in the wee hours of the morning. It began to rain lightly but I stayed; I wasn't gonna let a little rain ruin my last night on the beach.

Maybe it was the beauty of the light drizzle as the waves came in, maybe it was the slight romance of the scene but something squelched my Something Ain't Right With This Dude Radar. So I reached for the umbrella and gushed, "Wow, thanks. How did you-"

"I saw you from my balcony. Matter o'fact you're staying a few doors down from me on the 12th floor. I saw you dancing out on your balcony one night." He went on to tell me how he had just arrived there for some motorcycle thing, that he was there with his brother, that he didn't have a girlfriend and wasn't dating and he asked how about I join him in the jacuzzi....

Was it his linen pants blowing in the breeze? Was it that the rain was now coming down too hard to chill on the beach (and not look like a crazy woman)? Was it that I just wanted a little "end of vacation" mischief? I don't know what the hell made me do it, but I said, "Yes."

To be continued in Part Two to this blog post: No That's Not Chewbacca... That's An Angry Wife