The Mad Dater Online Dating Blog: Those Three Little Words Were All I Had

As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Those Three Little Words Were All I Had

This is part of a series of Wednesday posts to my dating blog called: The More Introspective Mad Dater - Thanks for the suggestion Van Vader. See also: Last Friday's Dating Blog Post Was Supposed to be Funny.

How do you deal with hurt that is new to you? How do you deal with betrayal by a loved one... when you are only a child... In a healthy way?

Fourth grade began with my parents asking my brother and me to come to their room... right away. My parents only asked us to come into their room when we were in trouble or when my dad needed the TV channel changed. After running through all the things that we could have done to have been in trouble and concluding that there wasn't anything they would known of, I assumed my dad just needed the channel changed.

Unfortunately, the only thing that changed that day was my family. That was the day my mother and father told us that they were getting a divorce.

I don't remember any words that were said that day. I do remember looking out the window and wondering if my brother was looking out the window too. Was he feeling the same things I was? Was he wishing that he could just go out and play too?

My brother and I were never told by my parents why they were divorcing, however afew days later my cousin told us that my Mother had cheated on my Dad with a family friend (who I'll call "Uncle Bastard"). I remember that day clearly because that afternoon when I came home, "Uncle Bastard" was sitting at our dining room table. Sitting there like he was still welcome in our home. Sitting there like my brother and I were still in the dark about he and my mother. Sitting there at the dinner table where my family gathered, like he was family.

I was so mad, I was so MAD, I WAS SO MAD! (breath) I was so mad, but I didn't know what to do or what to say. So when my mom asked me how my day was I answered, "It was fine". When my mom asked me what I wanted for dinner I answered, "Mackerel and Green Bananas".

I remember that day being the first day that I spoke to my mother in only three word sentences.

My parents never divorced (they did eventually separate a few years ago) but I continued speaking to my mother in only three word sentences all through college. When she'd ask me a question, I'd pause, gather my anger together and think of how I could answer her question in only three words. Only after I'd take away the one thing that I had left to give her, my words - would I then answer. Was it healthy? I'd guess not. But what else could I do?