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As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Monday, January 23, 2006
Bastards I Won't be Dating This Year 

This is an archived post. Please read my more recent posts to this dating blog

Yes, I have been on a dating hiatus of sorts. I've relegated the one dude who I am interested in to IM/Text Messaging only. It took all the convincing in the world by He's Like a Brother to MeJust Say No by Rajan Khakhar (ie - a long gimlet filled lunch at Fox Sports Grill) to get me to go to Leopard Lounge last Thursday. And when I got there, was I my normal, flirty, walk up to dudes and ask them odd questions self? Nope. I took a seat on the patio and cooled my heels.

Maybe I need to wait until I get in Spring Heat again. Maybe I'm suffering from Bastard Affective Disorder again. Maybe the death of my dad has squashed my jest for Bastard Hunting. Or maybe I just need to figure out what the hell type of dude I do want to date.

Well, that's a tough one. God knows I've been accused of not knowing what I want more than once... So, I've been doing some figuring out on what type of bastards I don't want to date. Here's the list of What I'm Saying No To in progress:

1. Men over 30 who have dated someone under 21. You date children, you're looking for childish drama.

2. Men over 25 who think Throwbacks and Air Force Ones are appropriate date gear. Sorry, save that shit for a Hip Hop video... And Air Force Ones, didn't Nelly rhyming about them automatically play them out?

3. Men who want the intimacy (and I don't just mean the sex) of a relationship but don't want a relationship. If it walks and talks like a relationship, then it is. And pretending any different means you're not ready to "man up".

4. Men who's idea of a date is: "Hanging Out Sometime". Sorry, but if you're asking me out on a date, then it better be just that - a date. No, I do not want to hang out at your house. No, I do not want to go to blockbuster and get a video. And no, no money has to be spent for it to be a date. The best date I ever went on, was to play tennis at 11:00 at night.

5. Men who's idea of a great conversation involves talking to me about sex. Granted I love Phone Sex and Dirty Talk but talking about sex is not interesting to me on a date. If I'm gonna "break you off", I will and no amount of convincing or innuendo will help matters along. Remember, when it comes to sex... It's the women that does the choosing. And please do not tell me how big, thick or ___ (insert adjective) your Shlong is.

6. Men who have recently broken up with The Love of Their Life. You need time to heal. And by heal, I don't mean complaining to me about your Ex while trying to fuck me. Do not tell me about your ex and how you loved her, or want to slash her tires. I'm not interested.

7. Men who consider the other woman in their life sports. Granted I am a huge College Hoops fan... But I am so not interested in who beat who, how much they won by, etc when we are out. And do not end a date early with me to watch a game.

8. Men who think they can make me jealous. Look everyone has adoring fans... Cool. I'm not gonna fight for ya - this ain't that bullshit The Bachelor and I for sure ain't one of those hoes on The Flavor of Love. I will never care who loves you or who gave you their number so don't waste your breath.

9. And most importantly... drumroll: Men who do not go down. If you don't like to play with the Kitty Kat. Do not apply here. If don't enjoy long trips to Kitty Katsville then ya can't see me - nuff said. And if you need help in that department, check out this post on Kitty Kat Kare.

So am I setting myself up for failure this year by having a list of who I won't be dating? Or am I setting myself up for failure by not having a longer list? Or did I forget some important things on my list?

: Here is a Reader addition to the list:
From Girl Gone Amok: Men with no self esteem - you date them, fix them and make them feel good about themselves - then they dump you for the next thing that catches their eye. EX: I Need Love Bastard

The Mad Dater - Later kids

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