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As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Friday, November 12, 2004
Rhymes with Sentiment 

Sappy sentiment still makes me cringe. I never thought I would be the one asking for intimacy in any of my relationships. I'm usually the girl who leaves the conversation (either mentally or physically) whenever someone I date mentions “feelings”. Yet here I am wondering why the hell I don’t ever get a post coital cuddle with “Dr. Love Bastard”. It’s not like I haven’t mentioned it (This is an actual email ... names have been changed to protect the guilty and not so guilty):
From: The Mad Dater
To:
Dr. Love Bastard
Subject: Memories and Such...

You know I've been trying my hardest not to like you in "that way" anymore for the last few months, since my conclusion is that the feeling will never be mutual ... I'm building up a tolerance I believe - hence the sleeping on the couch... without lingering thoughts except that futons are not as comfortable as people say they are - lol....I think this situation has played a minor role in my general lack of interest in nocturnal activities (did I tell ya I been reading more). I just think I'm at that point where I actual want companionship more than "companionship" or at least companionship with good "companionship" - lol... or this could all be a change of seasonal thing - who knows with me! I sure don't.
Bookworm Diva said, "What's so wrong with sex without intimacy"? Nothing really if both parties feel equally for each other.
Resentment: a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will…
Growing up I watched as my mother became more and more resentful of my dad. My dad just didn’t like to go out and my mom didn’t like to stay inside. You could not find my mother in the house – she loved to go out. And my dad? You could not get that man out of the house – he loved to read books and listen to records. Once my brother and I finally moved out, they separated.

Why do I bring this up? Because I can feel resentment growing in me. It's difficult when you have feelings for a friend and they don't have the same level of feelings for you. It's even worse when you're sleeping with them. Because at the end of the night, you have to suck up your feelings and be like "Well good night ole Buddy, ole pal" .

To make matters worse, I'm actually starting to dislike him. Not for anything he did. But because of the feelings for him that I can not control. Yes, call it crazy - but I think its human nature to resent someone for not returning your feelings. Isn’t that why shrinks have so many clients, and talk shows are so popular?

I'm tired of pretending that I don't have feeling for the boy, when I know in my heart that I do. So the only thing to do in this scenario? Stop sleeping with "Dr. Love Bastard"... at least for a few months or so....

The Mad Dater - Later kids

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