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As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Throw Ya Hands In The Air 

... Now Keep'em There - Well I was robbed at gunpoint last night. It was kinda like a spur of the moment date; with a few differences of course. Instead of picking me up as my other dates would do, he simply held me up. Where other Bastards usually beat around the bush about what they want, he was very direct. He said, "Give me all ya money" and I gave it up. Best of all, there weren't any long goodbyes, he simply ran away. I know, you would think this situation falls into the "No Laughing Matter" category, but as always, I see the humor in the situation. Here's what I learned from being robbed:
  1. Getting pistol whipped is not as bad in real life as it appears in the movies. In the movies people look like they just ain't gonna recover after some big' ole thug hits them upside the head. I guess the "Junior Thug Bastard" who weighed in at barely 140, didn't have power to really take me out.

  2. Only a black thief would think to ask: "You hiding any money in ya Bra". He thought I kept my money in my Bra - AKA: Ya Momma's Special Hiding Place. I shoulda been like: "Oh, hold on. Let momma reach in here and see what I can dig up in this here Bra. Oh, here's something. No, no money - just a Starlight mint. Here ya go. Just excuse the dampness - that's just momma's breast sweat!"

  3. God's got my life on TiVo. While I thought it was gonna be cancelled when the robber shot the gun at me, I now know The Big Guy simply turned the TiVo on, went to the kitchen to get that beer (I'm sure He likes a cold one every now and then) and resumed my pre-recorded life where He left it off at. I guess nothing coming out of the gun when it fired means that my show is meant to continue.... I'm glad to be here.

  4. Laughter and lots of red wine are the best cure for the "I've Been Robbed 3 Days Before Christmas Blues".
Some Shout outs are in order:
  • To Witchy Woman for coming to rescue me, making me feel safe and making me feel better by bring me over to The Honeycomb Hideout .

  • To "Poetic Bastard" for talking to me as I was about to fall apart, for loaning me The World And Other Places and for that kick ass Bison and Venison Chili - Boy you really know how to throw down in the kitchen.

  • To "Smiling Bastard", "Walking Tall Bastard", "Don't Let My Silence Fool You Bastard", and "Funny A$$ Bastard" for the company and making me laugh when I wanted to cry.
Thank you all. This is for you:
"Yes I will come for you. Roll my strength into a ball for you. Throw myself across chance for you. I will be the bridge or the pulley because you are the dream."

- The 24 Hour Dog from: The World And Other Places

The Mad Dater - Later kids

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