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As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Wednesday, December 24, 2003
More Bastards To Date 

"Because I Haven't Dated All The Bastards Out There Yet!" - Y'all know this is one of my quotable quotes and obviously God knows this too, hence it's one of the reasons why I'm still here. After most people have a near death experience they become more philosophical (More Philosophical: a disease that stems from watching too much Oprah and reading too many self-help books). They start to wonder things like: "What is my mission in life now?" , "Why was I spared?" , "Thank God I had on clean underwear!", blah , blah , blah - whatever.... My only conclusion: The Big Guy musta thought that The Original Bastard: A Hair Care Story, where I called Him: The Big Hair Stylist in The Sky was funny and spared me.

While God didn't direct me to do this one, I do feel like I have some knowledge to share with you all: I do not know how to get rid of a hickey! This blog will not help you get rid of a hickey. It won't even help you get a hickey. It seems that "getting rid of hickey" is the number one search term that leads people to my weblog. You would think that people find this site by searching for dating stories, dating blogs, or crazy stories; which they sometimes do. (Y'all can thank Cowboy X for those shameless plugs) But while I have had many a hickey and chronicled how I got them here, lord know I don't know how to get rid of one. ( I also mean that literally!) Here's my advice if ya got a hickey: Put some ice on it and take it as a sign that you had a good time... I hope. And speaking of good times I hope...

... Seems Santa thinks, I've been Nice and he's helping me get naughty. "Friend Of A Friend Bastard" called me finally. (This dude is a friend of a friend of "Where'd Ya Get That Bastard?" aka Throw Ya Guns In The Air Bastard" that I met out one night and I told "Friend of Where'd Ya Get That Bastard?" to pass my number on.). This dude actually made the mistake of telling me ,"He's at my disposal." OK, never tell a woman that you're "at her disposal"! Next thing you know, you'll be at the mall holding packages telling her: "Yes dear, you look great dear" as she tries on her 20th pair of black pants that all look the same to you. I got's some "Yes Dears! for him... Meow!

As "The Crack Bastard" said: "...like, Merry f%#!ing Christmas!"

The Mad Dater - Later kids

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