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Diatribe of a Mad Dater - "Because there's a Bastard in all of us"

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As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Why does the Mad Dater's neck hurt? 

It was a beautiful night, Saturday Night that is. I was on my way to see a long time crush: "It's a Wrap Bastard'. And I definetly had that slightly nervous, slightly excited feeling. If you're a woman, it's like getting your first pair of Manolo's - ("Will I fall?", "Will I be comfortable?", "Will I break the bank?" "Will someone else be wearing them?"). If your a guy, it's like buying your first condom ("Will it fit?" "Is the cashier looking at me?" "Will I even get to use it?" "Speaking of which, how do I use this?") So you get how I'm feeling?.

So I head over to the store owned by "It's a Wrap Bastard" and it musta been like 1:00AM, since I had just left the house of "Bastard From The Past ". So I roll up in the spot - more like caught my breath and hoped I was still feeling as cute as I looked. ( A much harder job I might add. ) "Look cute, feel cute." - So check to both . Ya man gives me a hug and we sit on the couch. (Well that's if you consider 'sitting' to be deeply reclined, nearly horizontal on a couch that looks like it's seen a whole lot of legs in the air and heard a lot of "Ahh's" in it's time)... I digress.

Well we had only been talking for a few minutes (Talking: The idle air let out of mouths, in anticipation of a kiss) when he filps to PBS and Floetry is in concert. And you know that Floetry's music is only for one thing.... So ya man pulls me a little close... then we kiss... then he puts my hand under his shirt... then we turned into two kids on prom night (at least like the prom nights other tell me about - since my stupid single sex school decided to 86 the whole prom thing.) Basically it was a big make out session.. and I actually have a hickey. I completely forgot what those were like and how they used to have both shame and pride attached to them. Now it's just funny. Funny to actually know that I was "messing around" with someone in a day and age when people head straight to the sheets and only "mess around" as a way to spice up their "straight-to-the-sheets sex lives". Hence why The Mad Dater's neck is hurting...

But.. . I sense that you're thinking that I'm at the "straight-to-the-sheets" age, why didn't I kick back on that well worn couch? Why weren't The Twins saying "hello" to a new friend? Well that's exactly why! It was all going good until ya man was like "So can I see one of your breasts" I think The Twins said "yes", but I was like "nah"... after taking a long pause. I mean really, The Twins are pretty special to me...a nd to those whop do get the pleasure of their company. So I get up, give him a kiss and tell him, "I'm about to jet. It's getting late( quick Floetry reference)." We hug and say goodbye.

So do you think he'll turn into a Bastard...
Las Vegas has give it 5 - 1 odds in favor of bastardry.

Stay tuned tomorrow for our next installment entitled: When Good Guys Become Bastards

The Mad Dater - Later kids

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