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Diatribe of a Mad Dater - "Because there's a Bastard in all of us"

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Girls Like you Don't Get Married
Bastards I Won't be Dating
The Threesome That Never Was
Player Pie- A Dating Recipe
Dear Condom Manufacturers
The Bastard I'll Always Love - Hip Hop
Break Up Stages
Seinfeld's "The Thing"
Bastard Affective Disorder
November Sweeps
The Oh No You Did Not Girls
The Punisher Bastard
Fiction: The Original Bastard

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Still Missing My Dad
The Night My Mother Disappeared
Now My Brother & I Don't Speak
My Mother Was a Cheater
My Dad's Funeral Was a Joke
The Introspective Mad Dater

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As if you care about my dating life! But since you're reading this dating blog....

Tuesday, August 12, 2003
The Bastardful Weekend Continued - This is a long one -  

So Saturday. Our story opens with The Mad Dater thinking "I look too cute to be sitting on my couch on a beautiful Saturday." So I call up "Beat Box Bastard" ,(who, I've been meaning to get up for a minute) "Trekkers Bastard" , (who called me multiple times on Friday - I'm guessing a little more than tipsy - but I was otherwise occupied with "Dr. Sigmund Bastard"), and "No Sex In The Champagne Room Bastard" (I felt a little bad about the whole situation - yes The Mad Dater" does have a conscience!).

So "Trekkers Bastard" doesn't answer (recovering, I'm guessing. "Beat Box Bastard" calls me and we decide to have lunch at La Fonda . I shoulda known better... the paella sucks here and the margaritas, are basically lemonade with weak tequila and a lime. But what was more disappointing than the food... was the company - for someone who always shines when I see him out, "Beat Box Bastard" , was well... a little dull. I'm mean the conversation was all about him - I did my best impression of an Active Listener - You know, saying my "Uh, huh", "Oh Really" and "So how did that turn out?" at the right times. I was basically Ed McMann to His Johnny - except I wasn't laughing. It took all my energy to not look at the passing traffic. But he's still cool ... and cute....

Then I head back to my house and realize that my phone had been off that whole time. Check the messages, and one is from "No Sex In The Champagne Room Bastard" , call ya man back and meet him for an earlier dinner. Just end up having drinks and rehashing the fact that we'll never be together. I'll never be a member of his church and he'll never come to his senses... kidding. He'll never be with someone outside of his church. So I let it all out - tell him everything that I felt about him (secretly I was hoping that , I don't know - that something would change - silly girl), but we have 2 drinks and then he tells me that he has to "Study his Lessons" - the Bible that is.

Right before he leaves "Bastard From The Past" comes up with his dog. I introduce them, and who do I spot over his shoulder, but "It's a Wrap Bastard" . Man I've had a crush on him for like six years. So after "No Sex In The Champagne Room Bastard" leaves. I go holla at "It's a Wrap Bastard" - hey I was looking cute and you can't waste a good cute day! He says that I should "kidnap" him. I was like "Boy I really would, if you let me". Then I tell him that I use to have a crush on him. He's like we've wasted a lot of time... have we ever. So I tell him that I'm headed over to the house of "Bastard From The Past"and I'll get up with him on my way to MJQ .

I'll still answer the question: "Why does the Mad Dater's neck hurt?" in my next post. Gotta jet!

The Mad Dater - Later kids

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